eNtRy gUe
Friday, December 29, 2006
hApPy bUt sAd
the title didnt make sense at all. 'happy but sad'.. wat the fuck?? hehe
anyways, dats wat i'm feeling rite now. i'm happy with some kind of situation but at the same time i'm feeling so sad on the other hand.
where shud i start? the 'happy' moments or the 'sad' situation. hmm... i guess shud start wit the sad one 1st so i wil end dis post wit a smile which will stretch my face muscles. hehe
well, as usual, not even a week, i quarrel wit ayg again. u noe wat? the arguement oways takes place wen i'm at hme online wit him in msn. we were like 2 different character in 2 different place. we were so loving, laugh at our jokes, make fun of each other, kissings n huggings as if we juz start our relationship. BUT, everytime i went back to my crib, all dat doent happen at all. instead, wen we chatted on msn, we were like finding faults n eventuali an arguement wil arise which wil make both of us stress wit each of our attitude. den, we wil mit for the sake of miting.
but, wen we mit, we were like notink happen to us. i wil do my normal procedure, kiss his hand, give him a cheeky look n we wil walk together wit his hand clinging onto my waist, start to joke. so, do u get the picture? its like we were loving wen we're together but we we're far apart, we were juz...... haiz.. wat the hell man???
dats the sad part. now come to my fav part of the post. the happy one. i'm happy so far at werk. i'm getting along pretty well wit my collegues. starting to joke ard. not like the time wen i 1st join in, i reali dun noe how shud i go abt talking to dem. dun tel me i shud crack a joke wen i'm not familiar in which kind of jokes do dey regard as a funny one. hehe. hope dat dey wil treat me as one of their family where i can make my werk place as my 3rd hme. shud u guys noe where's my 2nd hme? well, dun pretend as if u dun noe. of coz my ayg's house lah. oh my god! its 12.30 n i'm stil awake! 5 hrs to go b4 i drag my feet down to werk. gd nite!
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12:31 AM
Monday, December 25, 2006
sToNeD
here i am again at werk early in the morning. i do consider 10 am is too early for me. even said so, i've been here behind the counter for the past 3 hrs. cool isnt it? "iza" was found awake as "early" as 5.30am in the morning struggling n forcing myself to be excited to go to werk. gosh! how i love doing morning shift *self motivation*. but its true, somehow, there's something good abt doing this shift. yeah, u get to go off from dis place early though. * for the actual 'iza', dis is the time wen i juz wake up from bed* heee!
so at the moment, i stil have less den 5 hrs to go b4 i said goodbye to all my afternoon shifts werking collegues who is going to go thru another 8 hrs of my day by which i wil spend dat time by making journey to one of my fav vacation spot. DREAMLAND! had to cover up another 3 hrs of my debt. hehe. u get wat i mean. so to my big bangalow n my sports car, i'll mit u guys there especialy to my dearest KTM, i do realy mish u even i've juz riden on u last nite. haha!
having dat, i was tinking if my ayg going to bring me to bangkok for our holiday. we had discussed abt it n we planning to depart in march nxt year. but he said if we are going for the holiday, we have to postpone our engagement abit later due to the savings we gonna use for the trip n save dat trip after our engagement ceremony. he's going to bring me to this charming n high class hotel, LEBUA AT STATE in bangkok. man! u guys reali nid to check dat hotel out. it is damn fucking nice. suits for honeymooners especially.
so, i guess i had to reali sit down n decide whether to go in march nxt yr or to save it for my LEBUA to celebrate our engagement self party. hmm.. i'm thinking rite now............
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10:24 AM
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
FuCkEd uP!
my God! i HATE my life! i HATE my fate! i HATE my myself! dun u have anytink to do rather den find my mistakes n faults at me?? am i'm the one who shud be emotional or YOU? a small arguement which i, myself end up wit n appology had been smacked by pissing me off question. juz bcoz u had notink to do at hme n feel so damn bored u had to release ur anger of boredom to me. there's absolutely notink went wrong wit our relationship. not at all but u r the one who make it more like a serial drama which wil not end their conflicts until episode 124.
even though i had my attitude reali fucking nuts but dat doesnt mean u can juz blow at me like dat. i realise dat in a relationship, there is a need for a give n take BUT u always give in a sense dat u r always right n i had to take in dat those r my mistakes. are u too egoistic even to realise it? i noe i cant see my mistakes but at least i have the mind to appologise.
we did talked dis out n everytings settled n i said i'm sorry for hurting ur feelings n u told me to forget abt it since u're too tired to argue n same goes wit me. but y muz u start to raise a definite arguements question after u said to forget abt it?? so is it my fault??? its not dat i dun understand u but u are the one who do not want me to understand u. dun expect people to be able to read ur mind n fulfiling the needs of ur thinkings!
i do not wan u to tink dat i'm rude for logging out but the more i'm online in dat stupid thing, the more pain my heart wil get wit our stupid arguements. pls think before u talk coz u dun noe whose heart might get hurt.
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2:37 AM
Saturday, December 16, 2006
tRuSt
to trust or not to trust.. sometimes, even a man said he is willing to die for you but eventuali, he even date ur closefren. sometimes, he said u are the only girl he love n no one else, but stil, he stil flirt wit his collegues. i dun noe abt ur man but dis is my perspection towards dem.
sweet talkers. to hell wit dem! he wud say good things abt u which melted ur heart but he didnt reali mean it.
gosh! i hate guys!! BUT, not all i shud say. dey stil wan to enjoy around wit gerls. have lots of contacts, miting here n there, n have all the attention dey get. it feels dat u are the most wanted person on earth. i understand their needs. it feels dat u r on top of the world. how i wish i cud get back to my old life. having all the attentions til u dun have quite enuf time to entertain every single one of dem. even if i had a boyfren, well, i'm still belongs to him n love him more juz dat i do nid more den one guy to love me. well dats my principle before i eventuali knocked my head against the wall n realised how wud it feel if the guy u r flirting wit, is sumone's fiancee or anytink. it reali hurts wen i came to tink abt it. and trust me, u wil get the same tink back. u noe, 'wat goes ard comes ard'. n it reali happened to me. someone i reali love, actuali did the same tink like wat i did b4. gosh! it keeps repeating one after another. n i mean it, exactly the same ting!! God is the Greatest. u cant run away from it.
dats y, now, i'm turning over a new leaf. all my past are history. n i'm not getting it again n i knew it. have to be faithful to one person n all the disastrous tings wil end.
i'm not done yet.. i may be faithful but it depends to another party. i'm experience enuf to catch all lies from his eyes. so dun even tink abt it. u play wit me, i'll make sure u wil have fun. dis is not a threaten but some advice b4 u regret of starting it coz i'm independent now n i CAN live without you.. hee! ciao
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8:02 PM
Friday, December 08, 2006
At wErk
boring siol.. tapi ako suker! kalau tak saket tau kaki ako jalan ke sane ke mari.. hehe.. ako skg ngah pat keje blakang counter. ngah tak bz sempat siol update blog. whuahuahua! best kan?? agik 20 min ako dah nak alek! yeayeah! nak dekat 8 jam dah ako diri pat blakang counter ni sengih2 pat org. ape nak uat, part of the job kene senyom cam org tak betol. bsk kene masok kul 1 siol. mendak pulak ako dgr sal schedule last min cam gini. nasib takde planning pape bsk. but stil, i seems to like dis job. yelah leh jumpe mcm2 org, bobal2 ngan dorang sumer.
so after dis, in 15 mins to come, ako akan proceed ke basement, masok ke dlm bilek locker dan salin baju aru ako. hehe. ayg was so nice to buy for me a pink spaghetti strap for me dis afternoon b4 he send me to werk. n later, i'm gona see him again coz he's gona come n fetch me!
aduiiii!!! saket benar kaki ako diri lame2 ngan kasot tinggi.. hehe.. k lah, ade org mengacau. ako kene tutop ni bende. adios!
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10:40 PM
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
bOnEs cRaCkeD!!!
hey! i've been updating my blog quite often now. bagos2. khekhekhe! here i am again trying to do anytink to make myself sleepy. asik tido kul 6 pagi jek mane leh tahan siol! pat keje mate stone jek tapi tangkap maintain mesti selalu. haha!
reali tired seh especiali kaki ako. mane tak nyer ke hulur ke hilir ngan heels n standing on dem for almost 8 hrs. cian dier.. takpe2 one day i wil pamper u like a baby. kiter gi reflexology k. hehe. penat memang penat, but fun ar. get to noe more ppl dis time n dey r great! i'm attached to diff departments juz now n u guess wat, attached to housekeeping department for 2 hrs! pecah sak kaki ako naik turon ke sini ke sane satu building tgk bilik. n the sup actuali give me a chance to sit in a checkout room n watch how dey transform from a dirty n messy room(especiali the toilet..eewww) to a splendid shiny royal bedroom which i nvr get to see in my previous hotel. i tell u, the way dey scrub the toilet bowl n wipe the toilet's floor wit a magic cloth, u can even lie down n slip in toilet. hehe!
n oso at all outlet in the hotel eg bar n restaurants. i was quite surprise wen dis particular bartender whom i'm attached wit at a bar told me dat he was the only one who make the drinks, serves dem n oso doin cashier all by himself. cam bedek gitu kan. tak tau nak caye ke tak. tapi kalau mlm ade asst ar. he was frenly though. suker melawak jgak dekni. pat touching is wen he willing to send me to my nxt outlet walaupon dier ngah banyak keje nak uat. dats nice of him.
for the rest of the day i stay at the recep counter dok diam2 borak2 ngan kwn2 yg lain. sumer pon giler2. dats wat i like! jadi keje ketawe jek. hehe.
hmmm.... got to wake up to a new day 2moro. n guess wat? after a long war i had wit him, eventuali we are ok. he's gonna mit me 2moro b4 werk. he msg me n we like mcm takde pape jadi gitu. i had not apologised yet but i'm gona do so 2moro. hate to quarrel wit him n i hate of being myself who oways started it.
k gtg. nak gi chit chat ngan mak pastu gi tido. dah kul bape dah ni bsk kene angon kul 9 pagi. k chiao!
reali tired seh especiali kaki ako. mane tak nyer ke hulur ke hilir ngan heels n standing on dem for almost 8 hrs. cian dier.. takpe2 one day i wil pamper u like a baby. kiter gi reflexology k. hehe. penat memang penat, but fun ar. get to noe more ppl dis time n dey r great! i'm attached to diff departments juz now n u guess wat, attached to housekeeping department for 2 hrs! pecah sak kaki ako naik turon ke sini ke sane satu building tgk bilik. n the sup actuali give me a chance to sit in a checkout room n watch how dey transform from a dirty n messy room(especiali the toilet..eewww) to a splendid shiny royal bedroom which i nvr get to see in my previous hotel. i tell u, the way dey scrub the toilet bowl n wipe the toilet's floor wit a magic cloth, u can even lie down n slip in toilet. hehe!
n oso at all outlet in the hotel eg bar n restaurants. i was quite surprise wen dis particular bartender whom i'm attached wit at a bar told me dat he was the only one who make the drinks, serves dem n oso doin cashier all by himself. cam bedek gitu kan. tak tau nak caye ke tak. tapi kalau mlm ade asst ar. he was frenly though. suker melawak jgak dekni. pat touching is wen he willing to send me to my nxt outlet walaupon dier ngah banyak keje nak uat. dats nice of him.
for the rest of the day i stay at the recep counter dok diam2 borak2 ngan kwn2 yg lain. sumer pon giler2. dats wat i like! jadi keje ketawe jek. hehe.
hmmm.... got to wake up to a new day 2moro. n guess wat? after a long war i had wit him, eventuali we are ok. he's gonna mit me 2moro b4 werk. he msg me n we like mcm takde pape jadi gitu. i had not apologised yet but i'm gona do so 2moro. hate to quarrel wit him n i hate of being myself who oways started it.
k gtg. nak gi chit chat ngan mak pastu gi tido. dah kul bape dah ni bsk kene angon kul 9 pagi. k chiao!
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1:15 AM
Monday, December 04, 2006
jUz LiKe bEfOrE
ffuuhhh! penat semcm. dah lah pat luar panas leh cair make up ako tadi. tapi atleast make me feel better dpt alek siang siket kalau tak ampai kul 7 lah ako kene akai aju cam pat negeri omputeh tu. tak paham kan? hehe. takpe2 takyah paham.
no lah.. i juz started werk today so uniform tu yg uat ako cam mat salleh tak menjadi. hahaha!
my career life has started back again after been a year since i had a hotel job. so biler start keje tadi rase cam rindu terubat kembali. agaknyer darah ako dah kene ngan keje yg mcm ni. i wan to kip myself bz so i can forget abt my personal problems.
haizz... tapi ako tak bermaksod nak luper kan dier biler ako dah bz ngan keje. ntahlah ako pon tak paham kadang2 ape yg uat ako asik rase gelisah jek. maybe pasal dier dah 2 hari tak kol ako? but i dun wan dis problem to effect my werk. ako pon takleh nak mengharap sgt. kalau ade jodoh ako hepi kalau takde...... ermm.... watever it is, i do love him alot. tapi ako tak tau ape dier nak. there's dis character dat i juz dun understand abt him. n i guess he dun understand me either. ako nak kol dier tapi kalau ako kol nanti ako tak tau nak ckp ape. shud i say " u ngah uat pe? dah mkn? u maseh marah kan i ke? i'm sorie k" or shud i juz kip silent til he kols me? ako ukannyer pandai nah nak pujok2 org agik pon dier kan lelaki. kalau sebelom ni ako yg selalu org pujok. ako merajok kejap jek. ckp ' ala la la bucuk2 takmo majok lah. syg dier!' ako dah leh senyom dah.
stress betol ako. skg ako nak siap2 gi kuar jumpe member ako hilang kan tension. selagi ako dok umah selagi tu lah ako stress pikirkan masalah ako. bye iza!
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5:31 PM
Sunday, December 03, 2006
wAr
haaiizzzz..... if ever i cud say 'im sorie' to him. dis is wat u kol 'egoistic'. as wat he said, 'dua2 tanak mengalah'. i reali didnt mean to raise my voice at him but i juz cant control my anger lah. even though both of us are at fault, i guess i shud juz give in. tapi ape ako dah uat tadi siang sape2 pon takleh accept.
we quarrel at ct hall juz now. punca nyer, he was quiet all the way even i ask him y but he juz said notink. he tot i can read his mind. mood hilang siol nak jalan kalau dier camtu so i decided dat we juz stop n go back hme rather den i see his face like dat. maybe he's too tired i dun noe. i juz took my bag he was carrying feeling pissed wit the face he showed me. mane tau dier penat bawak.
we started to argue n i juz shouted at him which i noe i shud not have done. dis short-tempered attitude muz stop. i dun like dis kind of behaviour i did to my ayg. dah ampai jek control stn, ako punyer lah KURANG AJAR ako tepis tangan dier biler dier hulor tangan untok ako salam n juz walk in. kalau ako kene gitu pon ako peng sak. biler dah naik train aru ako rase menyesal. mcm nak patah alek jek mintak maaf tapi ako rase mesti dier dah blah. walaowei! i reali hate myself!
ampai skg dier tak kol ako. ako tau dier marah ngan perangai ako tapi ako betol2 tak niat siol nak uat camtu. ako cepat binget. but i noe he wil cool off n forgive me. alamak.. type nyer type cam nak jatoh jek airmate ako. lek2... reali hope he can forgive me.
AND TO MYSELF, nid to improve more on my behaviour. cuba lah jadi org yg penyabar siket. but i oways said to him, 'im a very impatient person' but, but, but, impatient in a correct way ok. ceh2 nasihat sendiri. kesian.... anytink JUZ THINK N BEHAVE POSITIVELY..
k ako nak blah gi tgk crite P.Ramlee ampai tetido. tengkiu!
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4:37 AM