eNtRy gUe
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
bagos ar ko nyer perangai. takde makna ko panggil ako kakak kalau respect dah takde. ko lom cukop tua nk ajar ako nak lead my own life. kalau adek sendiri dah pandai nak panggil ako bitch, den jgn panggil ako kakak. kalau ko nak sgt org tu ko gi amek dia buat laki. jgn nak babitkan ako kasi korang happy. kecewa ar. bila dah jadi mcm ni sanggop side org luar dari kakak sendiri. den buat ape ako dudok kat umah tu? ko nak ckp ako jahat lepas ako putos tunang?? pasal korang yg tak tau nak support family sendiri yg buat ako gini.
laki mane yg sanggop nak go thru org dah baru putos tunang? dia tau lepas ni family ako mesti tak suka dia nyer tapi dia sanggop nak tempohi.
cmon seh. ako kenal nizam lagi lame ako kenal razak. teros terang ckp, nizam nyer perangai lagi mulia.. kira ko nak salah kan takdir ar pasal ako dah takde jodoh ngan razak.. wake up seh!!
smell the reality yg ako ngan razak takde jodoh!!
laki mane yg sanggop nak go thru org dah baru putos tunang? dia tau lepas ni family ako mesti tak suka dia nyer tapi dia sanggop nak tempohi.
cmon seh. ako kenal nizam lagi lame ako kenal razak. teros terang ckp, nizam nyer perangai lagi mulia.. kira ko nak salah kan takdir ar pasal ako dah takde jodoh ngan razak.. wake up seh!!
smell the reality yg ako ngan razak takde jodoh!!
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5:02 PM
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
i juz don get it.. y muz family interfere wit the life dat i will go thru alone?? y muz i have to sacrifice my life juz to make them happy. i noe i have to make them happy but with regards to the person who i'm going to spend my life wit is a big deal!! i have to make my own choice and i noe who will make me happy n how my life will be thereafter.. if i'm marrying someone who can make my family happy but not me, den adopt dat person!!
it is my biggest mistake for making dis choice. i've make a commitment which i cant and i noe i can't commit. all thks to my stupid thinking dat i have to get married before i reach 25. wat the fuck!! i'm not even mature yet to have my own life and my own problems adding on to the biggest problem of all, to accept the other party.
i noe they are disappointed wit me rite now but before its too late, i have to make a decision before i regret for the rest of my life. dis is abt my life dat i'm concern.
they thot dat i'm happy with the life i'm in but they have no fucking idea!! all they can see in front of them is a happy couple but they cant see wats beneath it.
all the excitement dat they saw was juz an immature girl cant wait to get the feeling of being dolled up n being a queen of the day but the excitement will only last on the wedding dat itself. reality will come after dat which i'm not ready to face it yet.
its not juz solving the problems together but the fact that u are the problem wen u are together.
so wat if broke off dis engagement?? u wan to blame me or blame god for showing me to the other direction dat my lifetime companion was not him but someone else? for giving me dis courage to call it off after years of trying.. so am i a bait to gain happiness for the family?? so wats the point of god giving us test in relationship.
u wana blame me for leaving him coz of someone else?? dat someone else was the one who love me terribly who i left him for no reason n waited for me for 5 years. dats wat u call fate.. the person who can match my life wit. the person who i feel its really me wen i'm wit him but not being someone else.
it is so fucking irritating wen family concerns other ppl's heart rather than heart from their flesh n blood.
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8:28 PM
Monday, May 11, 2009
haiz.. keep thinking of shila lately. after her accident, i cant even keep myself concerntrate at werk. even though she have a fuck up attitude, i still love her like the rest of my sisters. i wonder how is she doing rite now. whether she is sleeping or enduring the pain. sometimes i juz cant avoid not visiting her at the hospital. my family might think dat i didnt care but the truth is, i cant accept the fact dat my sister is lying in pain with her face not looking the same as she used to have. i'm kindda sensitive so i cant see all this things happen to my family. even during the time my paternal grandma pass away in the middle of the night, i have to pretend dat i'm sleepy coz i cant see her wen she is no longer breathing n no matter how i try to wake her up, her soul is no longer there. so i have to mantain my ego by pretending to sleep wen i'm actually crying and blaming god for taking her away..
so i juz have to wait for shila at hme wen she comes back. feel sad for mohd also. heard dat his condition is worst. i juz cant look at them in dat state. i will cry u noe! so dun ever force me to visit them at the hospital! anyway, hope dat they get well soon. n i dun noe why all these muz happen after they being kind enough to go through trouble helping me n ayg get a bike.
anyway, after dis incident, i told ayg to ride carefully. if he said he is sleepy, i will forbid him riding. everytime i pillioned his bike, i cant keep my mind off shila's accident.
my wedding is 7 mths away n i hope me n ayg will get married as planned. n after dat, i want him to sell off his bike n drive a car instead. i cant bear to handle such accidents again..
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4:17 AM
Monday, May 04, 2009
god lucky my blog is for my own viewing only.. erm except for the 3rd sister of mine. sebok jelah. nak mencarut pon susah kene jaga imej seorg kakak yg baik.. eh gi mampos lah ako peduli hapa! hehehe one day i want to have my own account. only my hubby can read. ceh ceh!
3 more hours to go before i finally kick off from dis stupid fake marble counter, go hme and listen to misteri jam 12 and scare myself off to sleep. weee! at least i'm not like someone who love to imagine kakak cantek peeping at her from the door or standing one corner looking at her. ape saje lah budak tu.. (who noe who i'm refering to)
but right now, i juz cant stand with the fact that i have to go thru another 3 hrs controlling my breathing. wan to noe y?? sometimes i wonder how do ppl have very bad feet odour without them realising it. OMG! u guys dunnoe wat i'm going thru behind this counter. i'm smiling but at the same time smelling some smelly feet.
i have dis myanmar girl doing her attachment at the hotel i'm werking at. in fact, she is rite next to me cutting papers where i'm typing this blog. hope dat she is honest enuf not to take a peek at my monitor. sometimes wen she gets near me i woul juz get ready to minimize this page.. hehehe scared lah later ppl hurt how? she dun want to fren me anymore.
i've actually asked almost everybody whether they are facing the same problem as i am. carol said she cant smell. i tink she have a 'forever blocked nose' halifi didnt notice. jariah did smell wen she was changing uniform wit her today. azan said that maybe it is due to wat she eats everyday dat produces this smell. but gosh!! IT WAS SO STICKY dat i cant breathe!!
ok2 before she saw my posting, its better dat i log out!! ciao!
3 more hours to go before i finally kick off from dis stupid fake marble counter, go hme and listen to misteri jam 12 and scare myself off to sleep. weee! at least i'm not like someone who love to imagine kakak cantek peeping at her from the door or standing one corner looking at her. ape saje lah budak tu.. (who noe who i'm refering to)
but right now, i juz cant stand with the fact that i have to go thru another 3 hrs controlling my breathing. wan to noe y?? sometimes i wonder how do ppl have very bad feet odour without them realising it. OMG! u guys dunnoe wat i'm going thru behind this counter. i'm smiling but at the same time smelling some smelly feet.
i have dis myanmar girl doing her attachment at the hotel i'm werking at. in fact, she is rite next to me cutting papers where i'm typing this blog. hope dat she is honest enuf not to take a peek at my monitor. sometimes wen she gets near me i woul juz get ready to minimize this page.. hehehe scared lah later ppl hurt how? she dun want to fren me anymore.
i've actually asked almost everybody whether they are facing the same problem as i am. carol said she cant smell. i tink she have a 'forever blocked nose' halifi didnt notice. jariah did smell wen she was changing uniform wit her today. azan said that maybe it is due to wat she eats everyday dat produces this smell. but gosh!! IT WAS SO STICKY dat i cant breathe!!
ok2 before she saw my posting, its better dat i log out!! ciao!
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7:02 PM
Sunday, May 03, 2009
super fucking angry sia!! a woman just stole my money but don want to admit!!! who want to admit stoling ur money sia! and its only within half an hr and my notes gone!!
my mistake for my carelessness but for god sake at least dun steal FUCK ASS!!
i'm super duper angry n i hate to say it but for my own info of wat had happened is... i was on my break. and, i need to pee. so i went into the toilet, place my wallet, hp and ciggys in front of the mirror and left the toilet for my nap. it was half an hr nap wen i suddenly approached by a trainie dat she found my stuff inside the loo. i was not that shock as at least she is honest enuf to pass it back to me. but then, i feel like checking my money, a few notes left for me to spend for the rest of the month. and guess wat? ITS EMPTY!!. MOTHERFUCKER CIBAI WHO TOOK DAT MONEY!!! so i asked the trainie who found it and she said that the moment she found it, its already empty.. wow my blood was boiling!! the only person i can suspect now is a china room attendant who was having her break as well at that time. not to accuse anyone, with the help of the technician, i'm able to view the cctv. and juz as i thot. its dat bloody china woman. she's the only one who entered that toilet before the trainie went in. i cant control my anger i went to the housekeeping dept and look for her n confronted her. but china woman cant speak english dun understand wat i said. translations pls..... n of coz, she didnt admit. her face looks like she was pissed being accused of stealing but hey u fucking china woman, i am more pissed by ur stupid trying to be innocent face. well, cant spend that money which i've save up for my meals. its all gone! btw, y didnt she take all the coins too huh stupid idiotic woman!! go back to ur stupid country n stop stealing money in spore.. n i'm cursing u for spending my hard earn money!!
i dun want to tell ayg abt dis coz if i do, he will nagged on how careless i am. n dat really make my anger worst!!
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3:56 PM
Monday, April 27, 2009
tomoro is the day i've been waiting for 3 YEARS!! wow!! lama nya!
for 3 years i've been waiting for the moment i'll be down at the void deck wit ayg, washing our baby tzm together.. aawwww
well practically i've waited a life time for dat. but since i've been wit my future husband for almost 3 years now so that baby of ours will be partially mine! ha ha ha!
i dun noe why i'm so obsess maybe dats y God fated me without having a bile licence coz if i have one, i wont stick at hme, i wont be looking around for a BF, n i will have no BF coz i will love my bike more n i will have no fiance n finally no husband. not forgetting no family. n dats it. thks ALLAH. i noe U always provide the best for me.
hey even though i dun pray but i communicate wit HIM always tau. dats y ayg passed his TP coz i wont stop communicating with Him. see? so start thinking of HIM and u will be blessed. if something terrible happened to u, it means dat god loves u n wanted to test u abt life. if u dun get any bonus, its bcoz god noes dat u will used the money unwisely. if in ur life u always have financial problems it means dat god wans u to be more mature in financing but its up to u how u handle it correctly or not. ok dats enuf. it will take years to talk abt religon. i'm outz!
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1:43 AM
Sunday, April 26, 2009
tzm on the way
wow! so long never blog seh.. today feeling like blogging coz there's sometink i wan to let out which i think its better to let it out in my blog rather than to ppl coz i can stil read wat i've said in a few years time. yeah dats rite. k lah sucks in english. kita bobal 'melalish' well dats melayu + english.. hehehe kelakar nya!!!
ok let start... I'm feeling so so so happy coz i cant wait for ayg to get his TZM out and ride down the road!! actually to tell u a little secret which i've already confessed to him is dat, one of a reason i wan to be close with him in the first place before we dated and engaged is dat he is taking a bike licence!! sounds like a bitch i know but who don like her bf to have a bike which u can actually pose on how macho guys are with a bike! so to recap, when i get to know ayg last time, i actually asked him this question in our conversation. "u ade amek lesen?" i don wan to be specifically ask him abt 'motorbike' so i asked in general. so, wen his answer was, " ya i'm taking bike licence.." ..... at dat point of time, i was actually jumping for joy well i can say my heart was jumping up and down even though i tried to mantain my body language not to show dat i go for abg2 moto..
so can u imagine, i was with him for almost 3 years now and FINALLY he passed his TP and getting a bike in two more days!! YIIPPPEEEE!!
its been my dream seh to have a bike.. all this while i've been a pillion to many guys which none of them are my BF. so u cant actually ask them to give me a ride at any time i wan rite. u have to wait for them to offer the ride. i've been jealous seeing couples riding bike especially during bulan puasa. both of them will carry cool designed helmets around, ride to any place they wan, go hme at anytime they wan wen i have to go home before last train departs plus the walking to the MRT stations was tiring and don bother to dream abt getting any seat.
so, hepi sgt lah! tak sabar. i dun have to worry going home late coz i got him to send me. i think its part of my effort also lah. without the motivations and supports i gave to ayg, he wont pass his TP til now and i would get a lovely baby TZM which i will get on in TWO MORE DAYS!!
ok dats it i'm out!
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5:01 AM