eNtRy gUe
Sunday, January 28, 2007
half an hr to end my shift BUT 1 and the half hr to wait for my transportation to depart and i had notink to do rite now. seriously, it was damn fucking relax today at werk. i started my shift at 5pm and there were abt 13 more arrivals to go. gedebak gedebuk, went for break n came back at 8pm, 3 arrivals left. chit chat here, mingling there, stil the time remained to be dormant.
i do suggest playing catching wit kai to let time pass but u noe we wont do dat rite for god sake. funny isit to run around the lobby wearing uniform? haha! reali cant imagine if dat reali happen in our lobby. imagine the happy faces patched on each other faces trying to avoid the other catcher to tap u n... kk stop it! my imagination reali makes me giggles for a second. hehe.
talked to ayg juz now and we are getting along well after those quarrellings and arguements. well, if you guys are meant to be together, no matter how u hate dem, u will love dem even more eventuali. its common lah in a relationship to have these 'colourful' experience. its a way to get to noe each other more better.
2nite, he's gonna cook lontong goreng wit hotdog for me.. yum yum!! muz go back wit an empty stomach. hehe. ok now, i'm out of ideas. shall update more wen the time comes. astalavista bebeh!
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1:32 AM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
i'm getting damn fucking bored nowadays with my life. i dunoe how to express it or to anybody.. i feel like a lone ranger wondering around in dis world looking for some peace. i dun even tink to express it to huda coz she oso had her marvellous huge problems to solve so i wudnt want to burden her even more wit mine.
how shud i put dis?? hmm.... yes u guessed it. some downs happened n i dun tink it wud ever be solve. dats my predicts. n i dun noe wen it wil last. i oso dun noe how small my body wil shrink by having to carry all dis aches.. n my mum will oways keep hinting me abt my size nowadays. oways pretending to call me shikin by mistake n commented dat my body is shrinking to shikin's size ( she's the thinnest member in my family coz the rest are bound to e more 'huge') wat can i say, she wil continue to feed me wit all those fattening food at hope dat i wil gain my weight abit more. i noe dat wil nvr werk coz problems will come again one after another.
okay. i'm stress now. wit ayg. its seems dat i cant have my say towards him. if i said sometink dat i wud think, he wud go around saying dat i'm the one who always right. he gets irritated easily wit wat i said. i cant comment, suggest or say any of his wrongdoings. he wil get frustrated n therefore jump into arguements. every man do has his ego but i think for dis case, it is too much.. he cant accept on everything. how to go on a relationship if dis how we try to handle things. dun tell me i cant say anything bad to him and pretending dat wat he thinks is always right.
by defending himself, he told me dat i'm totally different from the time before i werk in dis hotel.. its not dat i'm different but the situation b4 i'm werking n after i'm werking make dis change.. i noe dat i'm more loving b4 bcoz i'm not werking. i can used all my energy to cook for him, to clean his room, to entertain him since i'm 24 hrs free. but now, 80% of my energy is at werk. i used it at least 8 hrs to werk, 8 hrs of sleep n the rest, to relax. i had to handle my stress at werk den handling stupid matters which are not important. n now, i do need to care abt my sleeping time and with my family. if u said dat i'm different now, do i even bother to sleep over at ur hme even frequent now?? he juz doesnt appreciate it. do i have the urge to spend most of my time with him rather den my own family n my closest fren? isnt dat a SACRIFICE dat i've made? does he even bothered? do he need to feel unacceptable if i had to log off early from msn juz to wake up for the nxt day early morning shift? kk.. relax iza. ur tears are flowing.. u're at werk damn it!!
its true dat if he said i juz dun care wit anything coz i'm sick of quarrelling n i dun wan these to affect my werk. i dun wan to lose my job coz i wan to make my mum smiling every the end of the mth receiving her allowance. i wan to lighten her burden. its not dat i dun care in a sense dat i dun love him. all he cud do is to frustrate me wit his stupid question to decide whether i wan to go on wit him since i didnt care abt him. wat the fuck?? how do i let him noe dat i'm terribly wants him to be part of my family? he juz wudnt understand.
sometimes i feel like having the urge to run away from all dis n get back to my past ownself. clubbing, flirting n enjoy life but i noe dis wil not going to be a good ending.. haizzz
gtg now before even more tears flowing( 2 tears juz dropped accidentally.. oops! lucky nobody saw. hee)
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3:54 AM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
i jUz dUn gEt iT
i juz dun get it! y muz ppl get misunderstood wit a little thing dat i've said? y muz be too emotional? dun tell me if ppl said dat u are an asshole n cant do any single thing, u will get pissed and giveup by teling urself dat its true dat i cant do anything instead of taking it as a challenge..
dis shows dat u are easily defeated juz by words. do u get it? i give u a scenario.....
"....u are in a battle with ur enemy. u had prepared everyting. ur mental, physical, all set for war. juz den, ur enemy blow u off by saying ' hey! dun waste ur time! no matter how well u did, u will eventuali die in my hands!' after hearing dat, u realised dat wat he said is true. u've prepared everything for dis battle and eventuali u will die. so, might as well u back off. u'd rather wasted all ur time wit ur preparations n trainnings den get killed juz a matter of seconds. hmmm... by reacting dat way, the country dat u are protecting, is now in ur enemies' hands.."
well, dats juz an example on how i wan to elaborate some one's way of thinking.. maybe i can say, i'm the one who acted like the 'enemy' in the scenario above.. those who noes me wil noe my way of sayings.. i dun go for positive motivations. nah! dats not my way.. i give all my critics so dat person wil feel dat he is being challenged. in dat way, he wil did all his very best to prove dat wat i've tot abt him was wrong..
ok dats it! i'll stop here. i'm still surveying which skin i shud change in my blog.. soooo many awesome ones til i dont noe which one to choose! heee
doing midnite later.. and one more nite til my day off! yeah baby 
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6:40 PM
Sunday, January 21, 2007
iN 20 mINs....
another 20 mins til i end my break.. n i have to spend my lunch here at the back office.. waliaowei! fucking sleepy sia!! it was so damn bz in the morning where most of the werk is done by me while the other party enjoying taking her own swit time werking n walking n minggling n FUCKING!!! pissed me off!.. she can slowly2 do her werk while i'm rushing like a mad dog beside her.. n guess wat, 2moro morning, wit dat bitch again!.. she reali spoilt my gd morning mood man! enuf said of her! doesn't make any better n reali wasting my typings..
well, i'm planning to take a nap during my lunch break at the staff lounge but it was 'fully booked' by those who feel as miserably sleepy as me.. so, got to force my eyes open to endure another 20 mins to my closing ceremony.. hehe
and after dis, i reali can imagine myself falling asleep in the train! haha! but it was nice u noe to fall asleep while the train is shaking n turing to its nxt destination.. it feels like u are a baby im a cradle.. hehe
gosh! cant wait to reach hme n bang myself on the bed.. btw, i'm starving!!!
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2:45 PM
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
nOtInK tO Do
hmmm......notink to do at dis point of time.. had enuf slip n i wonder wat time i'm going to doze off again later. doing mid shift tomoro.
now i reali feel deadly deppress abt my pc. keep hanging for every 20 mins or so.. haiz... wat if my pc blow off due to long hrs heat from the motherboard??? pls pls pls.. dear God! save my pc! i dun wan to lose all my datas! 
relax iza..... think positively..
thinking of changing my blog skin. still doing some research so u wil see some changes in my blog soon.. cant wait rite? hehe me too..
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2:34 AM
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
pArT 2
wow! its been 15 days since my last blogging and dats equivelent to half a mth. n having said dat, its another half a mth til i get to withdraw new crispy blue notes out of the mouth of an ATM machine. hehe. i was in a middle of blogging actuali 1 wk ago wen i was interupted by some iritating bastards. haha
now comes the PART 2, the continuation of my PART 1. and dat was the 2nd last argueing session i had wit ayg. the last one was 1 wk ago wen i had troubles updating. n dun get misunderstood by thinking dat i only post in my blog only wen i had bad times wit him. nope2.
its juz dat if i get reali too frustrated, dis site wil be the shoulder for me to cry on. n no matter how bz i am or some idiots trying to interupt me wit my blogging, i wil stil post in my dissatisfaction in here juz to make myself abit better. n i muz say is a priority if not i wil be having dis situation called STRESS!!
here i am at werk doing my last midnite shift b4 i actuali 'enjoy' my day off later in the morning. n my eyes are struggling to show me a signal dat dey nid some rest. well, i might have a nap later wen i'm done if i feel i wan to since i have a back up.
dis hotel indeed is a gd place for those gerls who feel like having a break for their eyes by looking at those gd-looking guys werking here. i'm not saying all but a few. n the rest u stil can judge dem as average looking. in fact the HR are not going to employ those ugly ones. well dats wat i find out from my manager. dey only employ handsome n pretty tall guys n girls in the frontdesk department. i muz say dats the 1st impression wen guest came in from the lobby entrance, to see a luxurious check-in counter, wit beautiful n handsome staffs standing at the back greeting to welcome dem. hehe.
well, dis is actuali my main problem werkin here. not bcoz of the job but the personal one. for those who are actuali in a relationship might have difficulties in trusting their partners to werk in such environment. n dats wat i encountered. by reading in my previous post, i'm sure u get the idea on wat's my history like in the past. ya wat u call 'flirt'. i supposed werking in dis kind of place, u wil flirt. i dun deny it. but it it two different things wen u try to differentiate between 'flirting' n 'close to each other'.
its reali damn stress especiali wen ur partner always had dis mindcept dat u are flirting wenever u are werking wit ur male collegues. dun tel me u're forbidded to werk wit dem. might as well i werk in a place where dey dun employ guys. where? in a mosque where u have to get dat strong limitations towards the opposite sex. gosh! it seems dat trust is not there to support u. i understand if dey get jealous if u're to close wit dem in fact all of us do. even i do get jealous if ayg gets too close to other gerls but being asked wit whom u're werking wit is too ridiculous for u to put ur jealousy on. n after dat ur relationship gone down juz bcoz of dat. haiz.. i tink i stop here. my contact lens r getting dry. need to rest.
now comes the PART 2, the continuation of my PART 1. and dat was the 2nd last argueing session i had wit ayg. the last one was 1 wk ago wen i had troubles updating. n dun get misunderstood by thinking dat i only post in my blog only wen i had bad times wit him. nope2.
its juz dat if i get reali too frustrated, dis site wil be the shoulder for me to cry on. n no matter how bz i am or some idiots trying to interupt me wit my blogging, i wil stil post in my dissatisfaction in here juz to make myself abit better. n i muz say is a priority if not i wil be having dis situation called STRESS!!
here i am at werk doing my last midnite shift b4 i actuali 'enjoy' my day off later in the morning. n my eyes are struggling to show me a signal dat dey nid some rest. well, i might have a nap later wen i'm done if i feel i wan to since i have a back up.
dis hotel indeed is a gd place for those gerls who feel like having a break for their eyes by looking at those gd-looking guys werking here. i'm not saying all but a few. n the rest u stil can judge dem as average looking. in fact the HR are not going to employ those ugly ones. well dats wat i find out from my manager. dey only employ handsome n pretty tall guys n girls in the frontdesk department. i muz say dats the 1st impression wen guest came in from the lobby entrance, to see a luxurious check-in counter, wit beautiful n handsome staffs standing at the back greeting to welcome dem. hehe.
well, dis is actuali my main problem werkin here. not bcoz of the job but the personal one. for those who are actuali in a relationship might have difficulties in trusting their partners to werk in such environment. n dats wat i encountered. by reading in my previous post, i'm sure u get the idea on wat's my history like in the past. ya wat u call 'flirt'. i supposed werking in dis kind of place, u wil flirt. i dun deny it. but it it two different things wen u try to differentiate between 'flirting' n 'close to each other'.
its reali damn stress especiali wen ur partner always had dis mindcept dat u are flirting wenever u are werking wit ur male collegues. dun tel me u're forbidded to werk wit dem. might as well i werk in a place where dey dun employ guys. where? in a mosque where u have to get dat strong limitations towards the opposite sex. gosh! it seems dat trust is not there to support u. i understand if dey get jealous if u're to close wit dem in fact all of us do. even i do get jealous if ayg gets too close to other gerls but being asked wit whom u're werking wit is too ridiculous for u to put ur jealousy on. n after dat ur relationship gone down juz bcoz of dat. haiz.. i tink i stop here. my contact lens r getting dry. need to rest.
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3:31 AM
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
pArT 1
problems in my relationship (again!). Gosh! i hate it! is these really problems we have to face or am i juz the problem maker?
Actuali, notink happen lah. no argueing, no quarrelling n stuff like dat. but i'm juz curious. n i'm not being said dat i dun trust him. i DO believe dat he reali love me so much. man! who can stand my attitude except for him. even how mean i did to him n how pain i gave him heartache, he stil confess dat he stil love me no matter wat i did to him. to prove dat, he reali came down to my fav uncle's crib during the hari raya n told him dat he's gona send his mum to propose me nxt yr. i actuali overheard their conversation n it reali sent me blushing.. heee
BUT........ to be continue wen i'm free... chiaoz!
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8:54 AM
Monday, January 01, 2007
sorrow
sorrow, sank deep inside my blood. all the ones around me i cared for and loved. but i cant see myself dat way. pls dun forget me or cry wen i'm away.
dun mourn for me, you're not the one to place the blame as bottles called my name i wont see you tonite.
so far away, i'm gone. pls dun follow me tonite and while i'm gone everything will be alrite.
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11:42 PM