eNtRy gUe
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
i dun noe y i feel damn SUCKS today. it seems like sumtink is going on behind my back n i'm reali sure abt dat. i juz need confirmation to discover the truth. i dun wan to say it coz i dun wan to get myself hurt wit all the wild things dat is in my mind.
haizzz... i dun like dis feeling. it makes me wana give up all the hopes i have. reali i'm not joking.
i think my solution is, disappear for the time being and make myself uncontactable. hmm.. gd idea. now dat will make myself better. i'm gonna catch up wit all the stuffs i've missed out like... hehe not telling u.
gosh! i'm feeling reali uneasy. but for sure, i'm not going to get myself hurt again infact, i will do
exactly wat dat brings me to dis kind of sucking thots.
hey if u guys failed to reach me in any way, juz forget it coz i'm not entertaining anyone at the moment. i'm off to my past coz u had brought up all the faking bullshits! and i'm not convinced wit wat u said.
fuck off u womanizer!
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11:46 PM
lets talk abt sumtink different now. today, i wana talk abt guys and how i see them thru their behaviour.
we have different categories of dem. the one which i'm going to talk abt are playboys. we oso have severals kinds of playboys here.
the 1st kinds are those good-looking n cute ones who flings around wit every tempting ladies whom dey met but no offence for those who are singles. more freedom and choices. dis is the common type so i will not talk any further abt it.
the nxt one is the kind which i find myself reali hilarious. dey act like one but unfortunately God do give dem a low average looking. i shud not say dey ugly coz it sound too discriminated. dey wud go around 'flirting' wit those pretty girls, 'sweet talk' like one and behave like one but for god sake, dey made the girls juz wants to push dem aside and puke by juz looking at their ' not very the handsome' face.hehe.. i've experience one though. reali makes me giggle by their over high self esteem.
nxt, those playboys who are attached. dis is my favourite part. a playboy well known by the girls who always fling around but at the same time attached and faithful to one. the girl who he faithful to might be stressful with his kind of life but no matter how many times the girl wans to leave, he wil always hold on to her and convince her dat she's the only one he loved. dis is cool u noe coz no matter how many girls cling onto his arm, he wil always point out to the one he love by saying, "dats my future wife"
hmmm.. suddenly reminds me of the past. i used to be dat girl. he told everyone he knew dat i'm the one. even wen he flings around infront of my eyes, he will always come to me. no matter how i tried to leave him b4, he wont ever let me go even though he had more others to choose from. but too bad, i cant have such living although i noe he loved me so much n trying to win me back.
the nxt type which i hate the most are those who are attached but behind her back, he change his status to get more attentions from other girls. well, he might be very damn faithful to one girl and decide to live his life wit her but still going around looking for more. he hide his real status and wont show any symptomsor clue to say dat he is attached. dis behaviour reali sucks. i think the girls wil be more prefer to be wit the faithful playboy den dis one. MAY YOU ROT!
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9:37 AM
Friday, February 23, 2007
been a busy week. doing morning all the way and i've been sleeping early every nite. hmm.. gd progress. hehe
not in the mood actuali. i dun noe why. alot of things are in my mind i dun noe how to express dem.
i dun noe if dis decision made for me shud make me down or not. yesterday, my mum eventuali decide dat i shud not stayover at ayg's house anymore. i was so surprise intially for her to make a decision after she gave me a green light to let me overnite there all dis while.
so i asked her why? 
so my mum did had a talk with ayg's mum regarding dis. well, as a parent, i reali understand the feelings to have a nosey neighbour who care abt other family more den their own. wat my mum said, ayg's mum was uncomfortable with the neighbour for me to stay over day and night without having any relationship with dem. n especially his sister had been reminding his mum not to let me overnite so often as neighbour might say bad thing abt dem.
so after hearing dat, i'm abit upset coz i dun tink i can stay over at his hse anymore. i dun want his neighbour to say bad things abt his mum. i need to respect her as she will eventuali be part of my family. dis is the thing i have to endure for having staying over his hse very often. now, i have to respect both his mum n my mum's decision n i have to follow no matter wat even though it is tough for me.
so the problem is, how am i going to talk to ayg abt dis? i dun wan him to think dat i've made up all the stories for a reason not to stay over at his hme anymore. i realy feel guilty n feel very wrong to let ayg's mum in a bad situation all dis while. Dear God, pls give me strength to encounter all problems against us.. Amen
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8:14 PM
Monday, February 19, 2007
i've been outside hme for the last 3 days n i'm having dis word called fatigue. ayg's sis had organised dis family outing and booked a chalet at east coast so dats where i had been spending my two nites at. its an occasionally event so i do feel honoured to be invited as well as my family. so dis was actuali the time for us to gather n get those bondings closer.
it was chinese new year btw so dats the perfect timing to have such organisation.
but too bad for me, i still had to werk for those days n the most miserable part was, i was placed in the morning shift. gosh! can u imagine how hard for me to drag my feet to werk from there? its a weakness i have to endure which i had over with it.
my back now is aching coz i've been sleeping on the hard floor for the past two nites n i'm feeling extra excited to have to go back hme n comfort myself to a comfy bed.
next, lack of sleep. i supposed no one will ever sleep early on dis kind of occasion. let it be 1 am in the morning, u can still see ppl running here n there, shouting n screaming while playing their self entertaining games n activities.
the 1st nite i spent was from my afternoon shift wen i proceed directly from werk so its not too bad except for tiredness i had from werk. n worst, i was waken up by fifi at 7am coz sumone called for MC. i was abit pissed for the moment coz i slept at almost 4am n i was called to report to werk in 2 hrs time instead of my scheduled shift which starts at 11am. i had no choice but to wake ayg up to tell him dat i had to get ready to werk. i dun wan to rush myself coz i wil get myself giddy for the lack of sleep. so i slowly get up n make myself at ease by having my little b'fast by the sea. it did make me feel better. i took one straight bus n luckily, i arrived earlier den expected.
i tot by coming early to werk, i might be able to go back early as my mum is joining us for the 2nd nite but how pissed i am wen another evening shift called for mc. i had to stretch til 7pm n due to busy, i released myself at almost 8pm. i reached back at east coast at 9pm.
i had to sleep early coz i'm starting my shift at 7am the nxt day but u noe lah the situation. i only able to sleep at around 1am. so i tot 4hrs of sleep might be enuf but unfortunately, i was waken up the aches from my back at 3.30 am. i've been tossing n turning to get back to sleep but i woken up for every 10 mins due to my back pain n the chattings surrounding me for those who dun feel like sleeping. its been like dat til 5am wen my alarm rang. time to werk. i was so sleepy rite now. today, i'm not stretching any minutes. i'm going back on the dot no matter wat. tomoro is my off day n i'm going to cover up all the sleeps n rests i've lacked. 
dun ever try to stop me or u will get some free eyeshadow complimentary from me!
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9:14 AM
Friday, February 16, 2007
ok i'm gettin bored now. there's notink to do in here! since i started my shift. i feel like a zombie walking around. haiyoh!! the time passes so damn slow! ok. notink much to update coz there's notink happening going on today. after werk, i'm following ayg to celebrate his boss's bday, maybe. lets see wat will come. hope its gonna be interesting. i reali do hope so coz i can become crazy with all the quietness surrounding me! ZzZzzzzzzzz
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9:27 PM
Thursday, February 15, 2007
hey! i'm home!! alright!
here i am in front of dis pc. i reali said some prayers b4 switching it back on. hehe. who noes dis thing might show some unsatisfaction towards me.
i stepped into my doorstep, head towards my room, took off my watch n grab a piece of my fav sausage with a yoghart drink, with my magic finger i pressed on the switch button. there was a beep sound but to my happiness, it goes only once den the screen appeared onto the monitor.fyuuhh! wat a relief. i began to treasure every icon on the desktop, the photo on my wallpaper n my internet.now i can sleep in peace. hehe. no more worries. but i wont forget abt my vow earlier on. its a must!
gtg now. deadly tired. but 1st, gotta wash up. i'm not going to bed with tshirt n jeans with my make up on rite? muz wear sometink dat i feel the sensation of freedom so i can have my beauty sleep. gonna put my hp to the silent mode n those who interupt by waking me up without any valid reason wil be executed! 
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8:57 AM
today is the 14th of Feb in other words, it valentines day. cant celebrate though coz of a few valid reasons.
1. i'm doing midnite for the past day
2. ayg oso bz wit werk
3. i dun tink i need to celebrate it.
but i do feel a bit jealous lah wen most of the girls out there received pretty red roses. well, i reali love rose especiali those dark red ones. they 're pretty you noe dat? frankly, in my whole 22 years of life, i had never received any flowers or roses on v'day. ey, dun get the wrong idea by thinking i'm too ugly to have someone to give me flowers on v'day. by coincidence, on every 14th feb in every year, i'm in a single status. i'm only attached to any shithead on either b4 it reaches 14th feb or after dat. coincidence or bad luck huh?
but its ok. as per ayg, there's always nxt year to celebrate. maybe dis time he will bring me to a grand restaurant for a candle lit dinner just for the two of us and wit a bouquet of my fav red roses, he will kneel down in front of me n propose me... khakhakha! stupid lah iza! *bursting into laughter* cudn't imagine myself in dat kind of fairy tale. hahaha!!
ok2. there's one more thing i wan to update in here. IT'S MY COMPUTER!!! dis mrning, wen i wanted to switch it on, it goes.."beep.... beep.....beep..." oh no!!!! it reminds me of ayg's pc wen eventualy it cant be switched on forever! Oh my goodness heaven! i was speechless at dat point of time. alot of things running thru my mind. all my pics, my photos, my songs n everything, gonna be history!! i can bear to have dis drastic change in my life!
so i try not to be panic. i went to sleep n after i woke up in the afternoon, i tried to on it again. unfortunately, those beeping sounds makes not much diff. haiZ... i cant express much sadness now coz around after midnite juz now, my 3rd sis msg me saying dat the pc can be switched on. so, i'm again, speechless and i was like duhh! is my pc showing me some kind of attitude here?? asshole pc!! play with my feelings! by dis week, i'm gonna transfer all my datas n my personal items to a safer place to store while i'm gonna reboot dat stupid monster. dis is my vow b4 its too late.Amen
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3:31 AM
Thursday, February 08, 2007
nice morning indeed. today is my off day and i'm gonna spend it wisely by lying on the bed and travel to my favourite paradise, dreamland. been 2 nites doing alone all by myself and so far i'm doing quite well. notink unexpected happened n lets see in nites to come. looking forward though how worst it might be. hehe
and dis morning, i'm feeling quite strange or rather unusual. i'm missing ayg even though i've been seeing him almost everyday. he had shifted near to my werk place. apparrently, we met up even wen at werk. (during breaks of coz)
so its rather strange to be missing someone whom u met every single day unless u are juz in a relationship for a couple of days when u started to miss him/her even after 15mins since u last saw each other.
to be particular, i miss his hugs n kisses. not to be gross but frankly i'm used to dat cuddling2 kind of pampering i always get from him. miss his morning b'fast he always made for me and the way he hold me reali tight. even though i always met him, we had to maintain ourself you see coz we were in public n especially me to be in uniform wenever i'm wit him. so there is a limit i had to endure. i had to keep my watch even wen i wan to give him a peck.
so, i guess dats the reason why i miss him for one kind today. his warmth. tonite, i'm gona spend time wit him. the end....
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8:41 AM
Monday, February 05, 2007
its been awhile now n many things happened recently in my life. no time to update since all the interns were back to school n we had to stretch 2 hrs late. tomoro, i'm doing midnite ALONE. kind of excited but nervous at the same time. hopefully everything went smoothly heh.
lets stop talking abt werk now. i tink i've said enuf in all my postings. regarding my personal life, apparently, went reali down a few days ago. n i mean reali off the edge. but i guess fate do wants us to stay on. i almost give up with life. or do i say, i almost fail to get thru things. i had dis mindcept dat i could run away from all my problems without even thinking abt the outcome dat would worsen the situation.
i took small things so big. i dun even realise the heart i've hurt whom the one i love. i reali didnt mean to or maybe my anger had took control. i dont want to do anything that will make my life miserable. i cant even bear to go on with life without him. he is too close to my heart n will always be. never i would dream abt leaving him coz i reali cant. no matter how much i hate, it wouldnt take a single bit of my love away from him. he wil be my lifetime companion. i cant get the care he gave to me from anyone else. he did too much for me. i can reali see how great is his love towards me. i wil not abandon it. Thanks God, u had gave me wat i wanted in life, LOVE. U 've answered my prayers. now, i had him n wil always belongs to me. he had the right to take care of me. i wont lose him n wil always love him til my last breath. i promise....
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12:37 AM