eNtRy gUe
Thursday, January 25, 2007
i'm getting damn fucking bored nowadays with my life. i dunoe how to express it or to anybody.. i feel like a lone ranger wondering around in dis world looking for some peace. i dun even tink to express it to huda coz she oso had her marvellous huge problems to solve so i wudnt want to burden her even more wit mine.
how shud i put dis?? hmm.... yes u guessed it. some downs happened n i dun tink it wud ever be solve. dats my predicts. n i dun noe wen it wil last. i oso dun noe how small my body wil shrink by having to carry all dis aches.. n my mum will oways keep hinting me abt my size nowadays. oways pretending to call me shikin by mistake n commented dat my body is shrinking to shikin's size ( she's the thinnest member in my family coz the rest are bound to e more 'huge') wat can i say, she wil continue to feed me wit all those fattening food at hope dat i wil gain my weight abit more. i noe dat wil nvr werk coz problems will come again one after another.
okay. i'm stress now. wit ayg. its seems dat i cant have my say towards him. if i said sometink dat i wud think, he wud go around saying dat i'm the one who always right. he gets irritated easily wit wat i said. i cant comment, suggest or say any of his wrongdoings. he wil get frustrated n therefore jump into arguements. every man do has his ego but i think for dis case, it is too much.. he cant accept on everything. how to go on a relationship if dis how we try to handle things. dun tell me i cant say anything bad to him and pretending dat wat he thinks is always right.
by defending himself, he told me dat i'm totally different from the time before i werk in dis hotel.. its not dat i'm different but the situation b4 i'm werking n after i'm werking make dis change.. i noe dat i'm more loving b4 bcoz i'm not werking. i can used all my energy to cook for him, to clean his room, to entertain him since i'm 24 hrs free. but now, 80% of my energy is at werk. i used it at least 8 hrs to werk, 8 hrs of sleep n the rest, to relax. i had to handle my stress at werk den handling stupid matters which are not important. n now, i do need to care abt my sleeping time and with my family. if u said dat i'm different now, do i even bother to sleep over at ur hme even frequent now?? he juz doesnt appreciate it. do i have the urge to spend most of my time with him rather den my own family n my closest fren? isnt dat a SACRIFICE dat i've made? does he even bothered? do he need to feel unacceptable if i had to log off early from msn juz to wake up for the nxt day early morning shift? kk.. relax iza. ur tears are flowing.. u're at werk damn it!!
its true dat if he said i juz dun care wit anything coz i'm sick of quarrelling n i dun wan these to affect my werk. i dun wan to lose my job coz i wan to make my mum smiling every the end of the mth receiving her allowance. i wan to lighten her burden. its not dat i dun care in a sense dat i dun love him. all he cud do is to frustrate me wit his stupid question to decide whether i wan to go on wit him since i didnt care abt him. wat the fuck?? how do i let him noe dat i'm terribly wants him to be part of my family? he juz wudnt understand.
sometimes i feel like having the urge to run away from all dis n get back to my past ownself. clubbing, flirting n enjoy life but i noe dis wil not going to be a good ending.. haizzz
gtg now before even more tears flowing( 2 tears juz dropped accidentally.. oops! lucky nobody saw. hee)
Purred at @
3:54 AM
